Updated: Oct 14, 2019
I've been reading Dr. Henry Cloud lately and I came across something that I think is very relevant to Christians today in relation to their churches.
Read the following quote from Henry Cloud and keep his comments in mind when it comes to the guilt that your church and its leaders/pastor may sometimes try to project onto you.
"Projection of guilt is toxic.
Binding someone’s choices by guilt or manipulation is not love; it is slavery.
There are countless ways that people try to make other people’s choices for them. Think about the times when we’ve heard, “If you love me, you will do this or that.” They are most often crossing boundaries to take away someone’s free choice of how they will love. To say, “If you love me, you will not go bowling,” is an attempt to say, “If you love me, you will do anything I want and not have choices of your own unless I like them.” Those sorts of statements should always be confronted with a clearing up of boundaries: “That is not true. I love you, and I’ll choose how I’ll spend this evening. You can’t decide whether or not I love you. That’s my choice.”
People who cross boundaries and try to take away others’ choices call those other people “selfish” when they try to take back their power of choice. Doing something for yourself isn’t necessarily bad; it assumes that we need to do some things for ourselves, and that’s ok sometimes. Remember, whenever you tie a chain around another person’s ankle, it will invariably end up around your neck..."
- Dr. Henry Cloud
"The projection of guilt is toxic." - Dr. Henry Cloud
Pastors and church leaders will oftentimes guilt you by saying things like, "If you really love God, you'll give more money to the church. Keeping that money for yourself is selfish," or "If you're really interested in following Jesus, you'll obey His commandments, which are what we say they are."
These kinds of statements are an attempt to project guilt onto you in order to manipulate and control you, but they aren't true.
In Christ, we do have freedom. In Christ, we are filled and led by the Spirit, whose will is opposed to the will of the flesh, and convicts us in our own heart by our own conscience. Because of this, His Spirit within us is constantly warring with our flesh, and because what we want to do is obey God, we pray for our will to be conformed to His.