#churchtoo #checkmychurch #churchabuse #spiritualabuse #religiousabuse #christianchurches #christiancults #cultawareness #narcissisticabuseawareness

There's been a growing awareness about the darker sides of religious institutions in recent years, particularly within Christian churches and ministries. Documentary after documentary and one whistleblower at a time, the deep corruption and cultic nature of many churches and ministries within the Institution of the Christian Church is being exposed. 

While some still provide spiritual support, meaty Bible teaching, and community, a growing number are harboring environments ripe for abuse, and blowing the whistle on this abuse and corruption isn’t enough. We need to raise awareness and provide education about this abuse in the Body of Christ to protect people. 

Something I know both from personal experience and from hearing countless stories of other victims is that, while they were being abused, they simply didn’t know it was abuse. The word “abuse” didn’t exist in our vocabulary because abusers don’t want us to know what it is. This is often why it takes so long for victims to come forward. Not only are they fearful of the abuser’s vengeful backlash, but it can also take a long time for victims to even realize and accept that they are, in fact, victims of abuse. 

The sad reality is many Christians aren’t well-informed on the dynamics of an abusive relationship until well after they’ve been the victim of one. If we hope to change this as believers, we have to raise awareness on what abuse is and how to recognize it in our churches, ministries, Christian organizations, and even one-on-one relationships or families. 

So, what is abuse, and what kind of red flags should we look for in Christian churches to protect ourselves and our loved ones from it?  

What is Abuse? 

Abuse is the improper, harmful, or cruel treatment of a person, animal, or thing. It can take many forms, and God seems to hate all of them according to Scripture:

1. Physical Abuse: Inflicting bodily harm through actions like hitting, kicking, or otherwise causing physical injury. (Psalm 11:5; Colossians 3:19; Eph. 6:4; Proverbs 6:17; Ezekiel 34:4; 1 Cor. 3:17; Proverbs 22:24; Proverbs 19:26)

   
   

2. Emotional/Psychological Abuse: Causing mental or emotional distress and harm through manipulation, verbal insults, humiliation, narcissistic abuse, or intimidation. (Eph. 4:29; Proverbs 12:18; Matt. 18:6; Matt: 7:15; Ezekiel 34:1-16)

   
   

3. Sexual Abuse: Any harmful non-consensual sexual act or behavior, including exploitation or coercion. (1 Cor. 6:9-10; Deut. 22:25-27; Genesis 34; 1 Cor. 3:17)

   
   

4. Verbal Abuse: Using harsh, degrading, insulting, or threatening language to demean or control someone. (James 3:9-10; Galatians 5:14-15; Eph. 4:29; Matt. 12:36-37; Proverbs 8:21; 22:24; Ephesians 4:31; Proverbs 12:18; James 1:26; Matt. 15:18)  

   
   

5. Neglect: Failing to provide necessary care, support, or resources, often to a dependent person or animal. (Ezekiel 34:1-6; 1 Tim. 5:8; Matt. 15:1-6; Proverbs 19:26)

   
   

6. Financial Abuse: Misusing or exploiting someone’s money, assets, or resources, typically for personal gain. (1 Thess. 4:6; Proverbs 22:16; 22-23; Mark 12:38-44; Psalm 12:5; 1 Tim. 6:10; Proverbs 20:10)

   
   

7. Spiritual/Religious Abuse: When someone (typically a pastor or other religious authority) uses their religious authority, beliefs, or practices to manipulate, control, or harm another person. (Matt. 23:4; 2 Peter 2:1-3; Jeremiah 23:1-2; Matt. 7:15-16; Galatians 5:1; Ezekiel 34:1-16; 1 Peter 5:2-3

   
   

The term "abuse" generally implies a pattern of behavior, but it can also refer to a single severe incident. Context matters. Abuse can occur in relationships, institutions, or systems of any kind, but in this post, I’m focusing on red flags of abuse that can occur in a Christian church or ministry, which includes many forms. 

In our efforts to help you discern ministry friend from foe, here are seven red flags to watch out for that might indicate abusive practices of many kinds within a church or ministry. Check your church for these red flags, Christians, and make sure you’re not unwittingly walking into a wolf’s den. 

1. Control 

   
   

Just as we covered in our most recent post on Red Flags of Cultic Control, control can manifest in many forms within a church setting. It might look like dictating how members should dress, what they can eat or consume, who they can associate with, or even legal contracts binding members to the church's rules. This control extends to personal life decisions, where members might feel they need the church's approval for significant life choices. 

Red Flag: If you feel your personal freedoms are being curtailed or if legal documents are involved in your membership, this is a red flag that the church or ministry you’re involved in will be spiritually and psychologically abusive. 

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." 

- Galatians 5:1 

2. Hierarchy 

A rigid hierarchy where power is centralized can easily lead to abuse, especially within interpersonal relationships and religious relationships, such as in a church or ministry. In some settings, this might follow patriarchal lines where men hold all authoritative roles, and women are subjugated, but it can also work in egalitarian churches where authority is still centralized to church leaders, such as elders and pastors. 

This top-down power dynamic can groom church members to submit to abuse, silence dissent, and promote an environment where abuse is not only possible, but often covered up.

Red Flag: Look out for a church where leadership is not transparent, where there's a clear, unchallengeable power structure, and where there are teachings specifically focused on appointing all power and authority to a small group of people, or even just a single person.

“But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles domineer over them, and those in high position exercise authority over them. It is not this way among you, but whoever wants to become prominent among you shall be your servant, and whoever desires to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” 

- Matthew 20:25-28   

3. Violence Against Children | “Spanking” 

Some churches advocate for harsh disciplinary methods like spanking, and almost always under the guise of biblical obedience. When these teachings go beyond gentle correction to endorsing physical punishment from the pulpit, this is a significant red flag that the safety and rights of children are not a priority in the church. 

Preaching spanking from the pulpit also points to a larger, over-arching structure within the church that leads to abuse. When “discipline” and “punishment” for “sins” are emphasized over grace, mercy, and the Gospel, which frees sinners from punishment and condemnation, the potential for child abuse skyrockets.  

Red Flag: If sermons or teachings promote or normalize violence towards children, this is a critical sign of child abuse. 

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." 

- Ephesians 6:4

4. Unexplained Injuries

If members, particularly women and children, show signs of injuries that they or their parents/husbands are reluctant to discuss, this could be indicative of physical abuse. In a church setting, this might be dismissed as discipline for children or an accident for spouses, but a pattern of such incidents is a clear red flag of physical abuse. 

If you notice signs of physical abuse and alert church leadership, pay attention to their reaction. If their attitude is dismissive, if they downplay the potential abuse, or if you begin to feel like a threat for blowing the whistle on potential abuse, chances are the leaders are abusive and plan to ignore and/or cover up any abuse allegations that could turn into legitimate accusations. 

Red Flag: Frequent injuries, especially among children, with vague or changing explanations should raise serious concerns. If you know of or suspect physical abuse, don’t waste your time trying to convince wolves to protect sheep. Call the police or alert the appropriate authorities yourself. 

“But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it is better for him that a heavy millstone be hung around his neck, and that he be drowned in the depths of the sea.” 

Matthew 18:6

5. Secrecy & Isolation

As we’ve mentioned before, abusive cults often isolate their members from outside influences, claiming it's for spiritual purity or protection from 'worldly' influences. This secrecy and isolation can extend to hiding the church's true practices, finances, or even abuse that leaders wish to keep a secret, not only from the public, but from the church’s members as well.  

Red Flag: If you're discouraged from interacting with non-members, if there's a culture of secrecy around church activities and leadership, or if questioning leads to isolation or shunning, these are signs of an abusive church or ministry that uses cultic isolation to control its members. 

"If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another."

1 John 1:7

6. Litigation | A History of Scandal

A church with a history of legal battles or public scandals related to abuse, financial misconduct, or other unethical shenanigans indicates that a lot of people have left the church or ministry feeling mistreated, abused, and even criminally victimized. While not every legal action means guilt, a pattern suggests there are systemic problems with the leadership.  

Red Flag: Check public records, news, or other sources of church and ministry scandals and litigation details (such as Check My Church, Trinity Foundation, MinistryWatch, The Wartburg Watch, or The Roys Report) for a history of litigation or scandals involving the church or its leaders. Besides this, you can simply Google “[church name] + scandal/abuse” and if the church has a history of litigation or abuse allegations, chances are something will come up. You can also check for this red flag by looking at the church’s Google reviews, Facebook reviews, or Yelp reviews. 

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. So you too, outwardly appear righteous to people, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.” 

Matthew 23:27-28

7. Narcissistic Leadership

Last but not least, leadership that lacks empathy, demands unquestioning loyalty, and uses their position for personal gain or to fulfill their ego fits the narcissistic profile. Narcissistic leaders can be charming, but it’s always a means to manipulate and create a toxic environment where abuse thrives for their own pleasure and everyone else’s torment. 

Red Flag: If the church leader seems to seek personal adoration, cannot tolerate criticism, and church policies seem to revolve around their personal needs or desires (members must submit to leaders but leaders aren’t required to submit to anyone), this is a huge sign the church leader(s) is/are narcissistic and treat church members more like commodities and servants to their own desires than children of God worthy of respect and dignity. 

“But the greatest of you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled, and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.” 

Matthew 23:11-12

Final Thoughts 

While not every church with one of these red flags is necessarily abusive, the presence of multiple flags or a culture of these practices and behaviors should give you pause. Do yourself and everyone you love a favor and examine them more closely before investing or obligating yourself any further. 

A healthy church will have a culture of safety, liberty, honesty/transparency, and an authentic love and respect for all people. If you or someone you know is in a situation where these red flags are prominent, consider reaching out to support organizations or the appropriate authorities if criminal abuse has occurred.  

Until next time, church checkers, use discernment, examine everything, protect the sheep, and please do not feed the wolves.